Welcome to the wild world of nervous breakdowns!
In case you're unfamiliar, a nervous breakdown is like a giant I-can't-take-it-anymore sign that your body and mind put up when things get too overwhelming. Only you don't know that that's what's going on.
It's a sign that something needs to change, and quick. The important thing is to understand that it's not something to be ashamed of, and that seeking professional help is essential in order to get back on track. So, let's dive in and learn how to handle this little curveball life has thrown our way!
When it comes to the symptoms of a nervous breakdown, your body is talking to you and is sending you a neon flashing sign that says, "HEY, SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT HERE." But you’re either too blind or too busy to realize it..
But don't worry. It's not always as dramatic as a screaming fit in the middle of the office (although that can happen too, lol, trust me). These symptoms can manifest themselves in various ways, both physically and emotionally.
For me, it started in April 2022 with weight loss. I dropped around 20 pounds over three or four months. My armpits and the bottoms of my feet would sweat incessantly and for the first month, I was throwing up…like, a lot and I had this weird feeling of vibrating from within.
After going to the doctor to have them run a complete blood count (CBC) to check for signs of cancer, and a thyroid test to check for hyper or hypothyroidism, the tests came back clean. So we began a battery of additional medical tests to find out what was “wrong” with me…because something was clearly wrong with me. Another more comprehensive thyroid check came back clean. The doctor asked if I had anxiety. No. Historically, I’m the most chill person I know. After a couple of weeks, a new symptom emerged and that was an excessive heart rate for no good reason. My resting heart rate is around 55-60 beats per minute. I could get up to go fold towels and my heart rate would rise to 120. I know what you are thinking, and, no, I do not run on a treadmill while folding towels. Not only was it fast, but I could feel it throughout my whole body. Another doctor’s visit for a referral to a cardiologist for an EKG. The heart doctor asked me to wear a chest monitor for 3-4 days, which I noted the 16 times this occurrence happened in that time…to which they said it was not outside of the normal range for women my age. So now we do an echocardiogram and a stress test…all of which I pass. There is NOTHING wrong with me.
A few months pass and I’m still experiencing “the weirdness.” By this time, I am not sleeping. I feel these weird heart things in the middle of the night. I am afraid to exercise because my heart rate goes so high moving from one room to another, getting on a treadmill or a bike seems out of the question. Now it's the fall of 2022, and I’ve had a panic attack now and a few others that I have warded off by breathing. I was talked through the first one by one of my team members…super embarrassing. We thought maybe I was going through menopause so we started checking hormone levels. I had a CT taken on my chest, abdomen, and pelvis looking for tumors.
For you readers, it might be pretty obvious what’s going on…for me, it still was not.
In December, I called the doctor again because by this time, people could see me physically trembling. We had an appointment set but then the day before that appointment they called and pushed my appointment back to January. I flipped out. THAT IS NOT NORMAL FOR ME!
Let’s back up here a bit. I work as a communications director for one of the largest schools in Oklahoma and here’s what was going on all at once:
- In November 2021, my boss was let go and more than half my team was, too. We went from a department of 11 to a small team of five. Same workload as when we had 11.
- The school was re-branding, which falls under me.
- In the reorganization of the company that year, I had four bosses that ran things completely different from one another.
- A consultant was brought in to “train” me but all she did was tell us we were right and then stole our ideas as hers.
- The gubernatorial race was going on and both sides were using my school as a political football.
- I felt as if I was not being trusted at work to do a job, which, by the way, I was nowhere near qualified for.
- I began taking classes toward a second Master's program to learn the job I was currently doing…so that I could be trusted to do it.
- My health was deteriorating and we were unable to find the cause
Yeah, none of this dawned on me while also going through it all, I was probably stressed out.
- I was smiling.
- I was super happy and incredibly blessed to have my life.
- If you have read my past blogs you’ll see that I now consider myself wildly successful compared to my meager and super humble beginnings.
- I loved a new challenge and I always rose to occasions.
- I am an overcomer who doesn't play the victim very well at all.
- I was fine!
That is until I wasn't.
One day my blood pressure bottomed out. I was sitting at 90/65. I semi-recovered but didn't feel like I could drive when I came around. The very next day I was in the hospital to get lab work done for more tests and another “episode” happened, my blood pressure was through the roof, and the lab called the ER to come to take me. We had a giant event (also falling under my purview) so I am taking Zoom meetings from my hospital bed. They sent me home with NOTHING wrong with me. For the third day in a row, I was in the shower and could not stand anymore. It was as if I was far inside myself. I could hear and I could not get up. My husband helped me to stand and get to bed where I lay paralyzed for three hours. Y’all, like I legit could not move.
During this time, Travis (the hubs) calls some buddies in the medical world and tells them all that’s going on. They said it sounded like the stress had finally gotten to me.
Stress.
We were about to head into a two-week break, but that was too far away. I took a week of PTO leading up to this break. I got set up in talk therapy. I bought a snake plant and some English Ivy for the bedroom. I bought a diffuser and some lavender oils to add because it was supposed to relieve stress, and my boss told everyone to leave me alone.
These relievers worked. I couldn't believe it, but the stress in my life that I COULD NOT SEE was trying to kill me.
So, there you have it, folks: a quick rundown of what a nervous breakdown can look like. The causes can be different for everyone and the levels of tolerance can obviously be different, too. You will be forced to handle it, though. Either you will recognize it and seek treatment, or you’ll experience some of what I endured above, or you can die. Unchecked stress is so bad. The most important thing to remember is that recovery takes time and patience. I have now been healing for about a month and a half, so don't be too hard on yourself, and do NOT expect it to change overnight. And remember, you're not alone in this. There are plenty of people out there who are going through the same thing. So, if you're feeling overwhelmed, don't be afraid to reach out for help. Whether it's a therapist, a support group, or just a friend, there's always someone who's willing to lend a listening ear. I am a huge fan of my village who, if I am being honest, was trying to tell me all along that it was stress. I just didn't know what stress felt like.
Seek rest and stay healthy friends.
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