Teaching is messy

Teaching is messy.

I love trying new things. I want to work in new ways to present or receive (from students) the same old content. In order to do this, things do not always turn out the way I hoped. I also do my very best to personalize the education process. THIS TAKES A CRAP-TON OF WORK!!!

I make mistakes every single day. I am constantly revising, editing and polishing my craft. Every single year I think, "Ok, this year is going to be better." Every year I decide that I can do better and start from nearly scratch.

I am overwhelmed with this mess at times. Is it that I teach every subject and every grade level? Is it that I want every one of my students to be rounded and educated AND happy? I get to keep my students from year to year. As a matter of fact, a portion of my bonus depends on whether or not my students come back next year. The pressure of this is insane and it's sloppy and always has me on my toes to improve and keep it fun and relevant. Add to that mix the climate of teaching in Oklahoma.

I want to teach tech as well as content, life skills as well as how to find what you want via Google/Youtube. I don't have a Library Media Specialist to help out. I don't have a tech director to help out. It's just me and my husband...teachers. We are fundraisers, lunchroom duty persons, guidance counselors, the principal of the building, teachers, phys ed facilitators, the janitor, the LMS, the technology specialist.  We are trying to do it all, but holy cow is it tough...and messy, oh so messy.

When I get this crazy feeling. When I start to think is it worth it? I recite a poem I learned in the 5th grade. It's still a favorite of mine.

The Peace of Wild Things by Wendell Berry

When despair grows in me

And I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound

In the fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

Rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

Who do not tax their lives with forethought

Of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day blind stars

Waiting for their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and I am free

Teaching is messy. Life is messy.